Changing Myself

These recent weeks for me has been very eventful. We went to places outside QC (hi EK), attended birthdays, watched important events at UP [Pag-iilaw (Ebe Dancel!), Oblation Run, etc.], galas and acads. And there’s more dates to come. It’s funny how I often vent here about not having an eventful life but really, I just do that when I miss doing something outside home. And I just realized that I do go out a lot. Maybe I’m just too cynical to notice those little things that make my life eventful. Maybe I’m just thinking that “eventful” is immediately synonymous with “something major” like a concert or whatnot, but that’s almost impossible and that’s just wishing for so much. I read a quote somewhere that goes along the lines of, “Happiness will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.” I’ve been doing that lately — lowering my expectations in many aspects of my life, and I figured that it’s quite healthy. I’ve always been the kind of person who have high hopes. I expect too much. I’m ambitious. Maybe it doesn’t show on the surface but I am. Someone told me that I look like the happy-go-lucky type. Someone who doesn’t really have a direction in life, and that’s kind of true. But really, I’m just uncertain about what person am I going to be in the future. I wanted to be a lot of person at the same time. But it all falls down to philanthropy. I’ve always wanted to do that. I always want to show people that they are appreciated and they are special, because I’m having trouble with that too, and it hurts a lot when you feel that you’re not appreciated and that you’re really just a speck in the dust— that you’re insignificant. But, life’s too short to whine about negativities. And unhealthy, too.

My Spanish professor, Prof. Jennifer Ozoa, who I adore so much, asked the class once: “Have you ever tried changing yourself? It’s hard, right?” It is. It really is hard, especially if you have been a cynical, excessively guarded person for a long time. How can you transition right away into this positive, ray of sunshine person that you’ve always wanted to be? It’s hard but I’ll try. Approximately, I need 60 days to form a habit. It’s a long time. An hour and a half is too long already for me, so 60 days would be undoubtedly hard. But in order to really grow as a person, I have to help myself improve.

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