Looking for something real

Maybe it’s time to open my heart again. I haven’t been truly reaching out to anyone for a long time. 5 years to be exact. I’m just so afraid of being rejected, of being unloved, of being hated. All this time, I’ve believed that not allowing myself to truly attach with anyone is good. No drama. No disappointments. Little did I know that this also means no real growth. And an empty heart.

Perhaps I’ve been lying most of my life. We talk. We exchange endless banters, but only a few has truly been meaningful to me. This time, I want everything to be meaningful. I want to be my young self again, back when I was still rapt in awe with everything in life. Back when I still search for meaning in everything.

I’m sorry that I’ve rejected so many people who’ve offered me love, and time. It’s a pity for me to reject you. It’s a pity to reject love, and life.

It’s time for me to embrace everything, and just go with it. It’s a shame that I loved the old
classic, “Carpe diem,” but really, I haven’t truly translated them in action.

Truly. Truly. I have used this word too much in this piece. But that’s what we all want, right? We want things real. We want things true. And true things come if we can just be true with ourselves and everything that we feel. And that would happen if we open our hearts. I choose to open my heart.

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Tell Me

It’s been over a year already, but the way you looked at me is still etched on my mind
I sometimes get scared that I might forget you so I always take a minute at your street whenever I pass by
Wishing that you’d be there, standing, waiting and wanting to talk.

I sometimes wish that you’re not in love with her
That you don’t sleep with her every night
That she kisses your lips and hands, and every point of your body that I’ve always longed to touch
That she had a baby with you
And that you’d probably want to settle down soon.
With her.

You have everything but you don’t seem to be happy,
Tell me, are you?
Or am I just seeing things because I love you?